slowing down

What's that line from "Top Gun"? "I have a need, a need for speed." While this may be a necessity for fighter pilots, swimmers, cyclists and runners, for your average 21-year-old girl, it may not be so important to be constantly rushing through things.

I've been trying to slow myself down the last few weeks and months, to really take in all that's happening around me. I've never been good at being present in a moment -- I constantly find myself thinking ahead, planning and anticipating. I walk fast, and I talk fast, and recently the latter has gotten me in some trouble. So it's time to slow down, think before I speak and really allow myself to absorb my surroundings.

As I was walking to work today, the last day of my internship at the Corcoran, I took my time. I simply wanted to experience the morning walk for the last time: the smells, the sounds and the motion. I alighted at my station to the voice of my favorite street performer: An older black man with killer dreadlocks, with a voice so soulful and expressive. He sings to his guitar and into a microphone. Plugged into an amp, he's broadcast for at least a few blocks. He plays James Taylor, Cat Stevens and Van Morrison -- easy listening for me. On days that he's playing, I always ride up the escalator instead of walking. Today, he was playing a song I didn't know. And the only line I caught was this:

"The future is uncertain, embrace the present, never forget the past."

How's that for perfection?

I've marveled recently how life seems to give you exactly what you need when you need it. I was talking to a friend yesterday, and she mentioned that she's been having bad luck in the dating world. She just can't seem to find someone. But perhaps, regardless of the fact that she wants someone, now is just not the right time. Perhaps, regardless of whether it's what you think you want or not, we subconsciously provide ourselves with what we truly need.

I've come to believe that some how it all seems to resolve itself. Resolution, regardless of whether it's the outcome I'd hoped for or not, has incredible merit. Resolution is not an end, it's not a period. But rather, more like a paragraph break, separating one part of the story, one moment from another. Resolutions create breathing room, they allow us to step back, observe and understand.

My new school year resolution is to absorb, to step back, observe and allow my final year as a student to wash over me with my friends surrounding me and my life playing out as it should.

I'll be sure to let you know how it goes.