So here I am, a little less than a month from graduation and I'm beginning to feel the tug. Anyone who's waited for inevitable change (it sounds like an oxymoron, but it's not, trust me) knows what that feels like.
I'm sure it's similar to the feeling a pregnant woman has about 3 weeks before her due date -- there's still so much growing to do. But time is running out, and you're happy, because you're ready to go into the next stage of life, but you're also terrified. Will I be good at it? Can I do this?
And so, that slow tug back on the catapult begins. It's the pull on the bow strings before the release. The tension buzzes in the strings and the urge to let go is so strong, but the arrow will just fall from the ground without that extra tug at the end.
And so here I am. In that last little tug. My strings are tight and I'm buzzing pretty hard. I've got a lot to do between now and the end.
The string just gets tighter and tighter. The funny thing is, I know I'm going to make it a few more weeks before what I'm moving toward will actually become real. Like I said, there's other things to do first.
I've been reading a lot about Buddhism lately. One of the practices is present-mindedness, or being completely invested in the current. You can't focus on how far you want the arrow to fly, all you can do is focus on the tightening of the strings. If the strings are tight, then what happens happens.
And that's all I can do. Wait for the launch.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
singing and dancing
This is basically incredible. You can't watch it without cracking a smile. I'm working on a project for a kinetic imaging class and I'm pulling dance sequences, and I came across this one and figured I'd share. The song is awesome, and it has a pretty good message.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
a jaunty tilt
I think a little back story is necessary... Yesterday evening, I was enjoy a nice cold beverage as I did some work. I then proceeded to spill half of said beverage, which contained sugar (it was crystal light), on my laptop keyboard.
Freaking out, I quickly mopped it all up, laughing happily in the wonder and good fortune that my keyboard should function at all. It had started to dry when I realized there was a greater problem.
My keys are sticking. Not just a little oops, here or there. We're talking like intense, it's hard to push them down, sticking.
So I get some water, a paper towel, a cotton ball and a Q-tip. All manner of sizes of wiping materials, I wasn't sure what I was going to need, you see. And I start cleaning the top of the computer, thinking that the problem is that the sides are sticking to the base board. But I don't think I can really get at the source, because my keys aren't the kind that come off. At least not that I've figured out. This generally solves some of the problem, but they're definitely still sticky. Ugh.
Fast forward to today, 5 p.m. after consulting with my computer savvy friend, I've been told that the keys can come off, but to remove them at my own risk, as some times they can be very tricky to get back on. All I heard is that they come off. They come off!!
Anyone who knows me knows that if there's the possibility of making something cleaner than it is at the moment, I will take it. I like things clean, I like things not-sticky. And so darn it, if I can make this keyboard not sticky, you better believe I'm going to try.
A quick Google search explains ways of cleaning keyboards without removing keys... yeah yeah yeah. Nope. I scroll down to the good part, "How to clean keyboard after removing keys." Jackpot.
I turn off the computer, unplug it and take out the battery. I'm really not looking to be electrocuted, especially with my roommate in L.A. and no one around to hear me scream... After I flip it back over, I start scanning for keys that are basically unused, something that if I can't for some reason reattach, it's not the end of the world. It's like using whatever new cleaning product on a spot behind the door. It's the guinea pig. The test subject, as it were.
Behold, the "Application Key." I didn't even know that's what it was called, I had to look it up. Anyway, I had read that the best way to get the little buggers off was to use a small screwdriver. Enter, my finger.
So I start working at it and realize that there are these two little plastic thingies that toggle together, almost like a seesaw, it's called the key retainer. (that website was useless, btw.) And it hooks in to the baseboard and the key top. Anyway, the key top just snaps off.
Awesome. This is easy. I can do this.
[Note to reader, next time I say that, slap me.]
I pull off the application key and lo and behold. Gross. There is so much crap on my keyboard! I'm appalled and decide it's time to really clean this sucker. I'm going to go row by row, pull off my keys and make it sparkle.
I pop the application key back on, and start with Q, W, E, R, T and Y. All come off and go back on with ease. And so I start with A, S, D, F, G and H. I get the first five off and on with no problem, and then there's H. It figures it should be H, because I then entered keyboard hell.
The key retainer came off with the H. Yeah, that's right. It came right off. Um. Oh. My. Gosh.
Insert panicked expletive here.
And so I pull off Y, to make space, and start trying to slide the retainer back into it's four metal prong-like holders.
It will not go.
I try, and I try and I try. I can get the bottom, or the two prongs closest to me to go in, but the top prong has some how expanded since leaving its home. It's a lot like that scene from Friends when Ross wears the leather pants and he goes to the bathroom, takes them off, and his legs swell and he can't get them back on.... but yeah, this is plastic. This should work. But no.
So, I take the little retainer apart. Bad idea. Ten minutes later and I finally get it back together. And I try to shove it in again. And again and again.
You get to a point, where you begin to understand that trying is just not going to work anymore.
At this point I'm frantic. I have broken my keyboard. It will not be clean. It will not be sparkly. It will not be not-sticky. If I can't use my H key. It does not matter.
And so. Resigned to the fact that I'm just going to have to make due, I shove the bottom prongs into their holders and hold my breath as I snap the H back into place. It goes. Breath out. I turn the computer on, and the H works. It now sits at a jaunty tilt and my finger catches on it occasionally on the way back up. But, it works, and that's really all that matters right now.
And so, children, the moral of story is this: If your keyboard works, and it's just a little sticky, it's OK. Leave it alone. Or you'll end up with a tilted H key like me and a computer keyboard that is still sticky.
Freaking out, I quickly mopped it all up, laughing happily in the wonder and good fortune that my keyboard should function at all. It had started to dry when I realized there was a greater problem.
My keys are sticking. Not just a little oops, here or there. We're talking like intense, it's hard to push them down, sticking.
So I get some water, a paper towel, a cotton ball and a Q-tip. All manner of sizes of wiping materials, I wasn't sure what I was going to need, you see. And I start cleaning the top of the computer, thinking that the problem is that the sides are sticking to the base board. But I don't think I can really get at the source, because my keys aren't the kind that come off. At least not that I've figured out. This generally solves some of the problem, but they're definitely still sticky. Ugh.
Fast forward to today, 5 p.m. after consulting with my computer savvy friend, I've been told that the keys can come off, but to remove them at my own risk, as some times they can be very tricky to get back on. All I heard is that they come off. They come off!!
Anyone who knows me knows that if there's the possibility of making something cleaner than it is at the moment, I will take it. I like things clean, I like things not-sticky. And so darn it, if I can make this keyboard not sticky, you better believe I'm going to try.
A quick Google search explains ways of cleaning keyboards without removing keys... yeah yeah yeah. Nope. I scroll down to the good part, "How to clean keyboard after removing keys." Jackpot.
I turn off the computer, unplug it and take out the battery. I'm really not looking to be electrocuted, especially with my roommate in L.A. and no one around to hear me scream... After I flip it back over, I start scanning for keys that are basically unused, something that if I can't for some reason reattach, it's not the end of the world. It's like using whatever new cleaning product on a spot behind the door. It's the guinea pig. The test subject, as it were.
Behold, the "Application Key." I didn't even know that's what it was called, I had to look it up. Anyway, I had read that the best way to get the little buggers off was to use a small screwdriver. Enter, my finger.
So I start working at it and realize that there are these two little plastic thingies that toggle together, almost like a seesaw, it's called the key retainer. (that website was useless, btw.) And it hooks in to the baseboard and the key top. Anyway, the key top just snaps off.
Awesome. This is easy. I can do this.
[Note to reader, next time I say that, slap me.]
I pull off the application key and lo and behold. Gross. There is so much crap on my keyboard! I'm appalled and decide it's time to really clean this sucker. I'm going to go row by row, pull off my keys and make it sparkle.
I pop the application key back on, and start with Q, W, E, R, T and Y. All come off and go back on with ease. And so I start with A, S, D, F, G and H. I get the first five off and on with no problem, and then there's H. It figures it should be H, because I then entered keyboard hell.
The key retainer came off with the H. Yeah, that's right. It came right off. Um. Oh. My. Gosh.
Insert panicked expletive here.
And so I pull off Y, to make space, and start trying to slide the retainer back into it's four metal prong-like holders.
It will not go.
I try, and I try and I try. I can get the bottom, or the two prongs closest to me to go in, but the top prong has some how expanded since leaving its home. It's a lot like that scene from Friends when Ross wears the leather pants and he goes to the bathroom, takes them off, and his legs swell and he can't get them back on.... but yeah, this is plastic. This should work. But no.
So, I take the little retainer apart. Bad idea. Ten minutes later and I finally get it back together. And I try to shove it in again. And again and again.
You get to a point, where you begin to understand that trying is just not going to work anymore.
At this point I'm frantic. I have broken my keyboard. It will not be clean. It will not be sparkly. It will not be not-sticky. If I can't use my H key. It does not matter.
And so. Resigned to the fact that I'm just going to have to make due, I shove the bottom prongs into their holders and hold my breath as I snap the H back into place. It goes. Breath out. I turn the computer on, and the H works. It now sits at a jaunty tilt and my finger catches on it occasionally on the way back up. But, it works, and that's really all that matters right now.
And so, children, the moral of story is this: If your keyboard works, and it's just a little sticky, it's OK. Leave it alone. Or you'll end up with a tilted H key like me and a computer keyboard that is still sticky.
remember to breath
We're getting down to the wire. Roughly 40 days and counting until the end. Marathoners call it hitting the wall -- you just don't want to go anymore, but you have to. You have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and just keep running.
I've hit the wall. Hard. What's that saying: Senioritis, we're too lazy to find a cure.
Yeah. But see, I don't have the luxury of doing nothing. I have a To Do list the length of Route 40 just for things to finish for school alone, forget finding a job, and planning to move home.
I've been taking a yoga class, and one of the things our professor always tell us is to remember to breath. I've started having to tell myself to breath in and out during my daily activities.
I don't think I've ever been so happy and yet so terrified for something to come to an end.
I've hit the wall. Hard. What's that saying: Senioritis, we're too lazy to find a cure.
Yeah. But see, I don't have the luxury of doing nothing. I have a To Do list the length of Route 40 just for things to finish for school alone, forget finding a job, and planning to move home.
I've been taking a yoga class, and one of the things our professor always tell us is to remember to breath. I've started having to tell myself to breath in and out during my daily activities.
I don't think I've ever been so happy and yet so terrified for something to come to an end.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
learning to be alone
"Will you be OK?" she asked as I left their apartment to go to my own empty one.
"Oh yeah, I'll be fine," I responded, I know I can be alone and be OK.
I'm not sure why, but I used to hate being alone. I would always call someone, anyone, to avoid the silence of solitude. I'm an extrovert by nature, conversation and people keep me going. I'll always feel happier with others than without them, but since going to college, I've learned the value of spending time with myself and my thoughts.
I've encountered an odd situation this week -- every single person who I would consider a good friend or acquaintance at Elon, who I would feel willing to call to spend time with, is away on spring break. I came back early from our week at the beach because my best friend here had to be back to present at a conference in Georgia. Her roommates, my other great friends, are away at a concert in the southern part of the state. My friend Lesley is in Maryland. Mandy and Olivia, Florida. My roommate, on a cruise in the Caribbean. And the list goes on, leaving me to myself. Alone.
Someone asked me a few days ago, what's one thing outside of your coursework that you have learned while at school? My response: I've learned to love being alone. I think when you spend 24 hours a day in a dorm for two years, then 4 months in a tiny flat with 7 other women, then in a busy apartment building, in a newspaper office... when you're constantly surrounded by people, even the most extraordinary extrovert would find themselves seeking some silence.
And so I've learned to value those hours when my roommate is at meetings. Or when I have to take that 15 minute walk across campus to work. Or when no one is free to go grocery shopping.
I think it all really started when I was in London. I liked to take walks around the city by myself. Don't worry, it was only ever during the day. But I found that I would walk slower, thinking about the things I was seeing, the people I was passing, the smells I was smelling. I wasn't distracted by someone asking me about my internship, or complaining about a paper to be written for our class. I could take it all in. I could absorb.
I've learned that my mind can be stimulated by the world itself, without others, that thoughts themselves can be loud enough. And that it's OK to enjoy moments of calm or evenings filled not by the voices of others, but by the tapping of my fingers on my computer keys or the scribblings of a pen on paper.
Maybe it's all part of growing up, knowing that you can survive the quiet. But not only survive it, learn to revel in it.
"Oh yeah, I'll be fine," I responded, I know I can be alone and be OK.
I'm not sure why, but I used to hate being alone. I would always call someone, anyone, to avoid the silence of solitude. I'm an extrovert by nature, conversation and people keep me going. I'll always feel happier with others than without them, but since going to college, I've learned the value of spending time with myself and my thoughts.
I've encountered an odd situation this week -- every single person who I would consider a good friend or acquaintance at Elon, who I would feel willing to call to spend time with, is away on spring break. I came back early from our week at the beach because my best friend here had to be back to present at a conference in Georgia. Her roommates, my other great friends, are away at a concert in the southern part of the state. My friend Lesley is in Maryland. Mandy and Olivia, Florida. My roommate, on a cruise in the Caribbean. And the list goes on, leaving me to myself. Alone.
Someone asked me a few days ago, what's one thing outside of your coursework that you have learned while at school? My response: I've learned to love being alone. I think when you spend 24 hours a day in a dorm for two years, then 4 months in a tiny flat with 7 other women, then in a busy apartment building, in a newspaper office... when you're constantly surrounded by people, even the most extraordinary extrovert would find themselves seeking some silence.
And so I've learned to value those hours when my roommate is at meetings. Or when I have to take that 15 minute walk across campus to work. Or when no one is free to go grocery shopping.
I think it all really started when I was in London. I liked to take walks around the city by myself. Don't worry, it was only ever during the day. But I found that I would walk slower, thinking about the things I was seeing, the people I was passing, the smells I was smelling. I wasn't distracted by someone asking me about my internship, or complaining about a paper to be written for our class. I could take it all in. I could absorb.
I've learned that my mind can be stimulated by the world itself, without others, that thoughts themselves can be loud enough. And that it's OK to enjoy moments of calm or evenings filled not by the voices of others, but by the tapping of my fingers on my computer keys or the scribblings of a pen on paper.
Maybe it's all part of growing up, knowing that you can survive the quiet. But not only survive it, learn to revel in it.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
friends in action
My girlfriends took me out last night for my birthday. We went to a new restaurant in Elon called 116 Oak, which if you live in the area, is fabulous, affordable and has a great atmosphere. Thanks girls, you are some of the sweetest, most beautiful and intelligent women I know. I love you all very much. A few friends weren't able to make it because of geographical issues, and they were heartily missed. You know who you are.
It's been a crazy year for me, filled with lots of happiness, sadness, changes and constants. The year to come won't be any different, but I feel so lucky to have people who I love, who love me, who I know will be there through it all.
(L to R) Kiersten, Ashley, Kim, Colleen, me, Christen and Lesley. Yeah, yeah, I know I'm short, I was the only one in flats other than Colleen, but she's 5'11" anyway...
I'd like to just say that in watch us below, none of us had consumed more than a glass of wine -- this is just how we roll. Video care of Colleen.
It's been a crazy year for me, filled with lots of happiness, sadness, changes and constants. The year to come won't be any different, but I feel so lucky to have people who I love, who love me, who I know will be there through it all.
(L to R) Kiersten, Ashley, Kim, Colleen, me, Christen and Lesley. Yeah, yeah, I know I'm short, I was the only one in flats other than Colleen, but she's 5'11" anyway...
I'd like to just say that in watch us below, none of us had consumed more than a glass of wine -- this is just how we roll. Video care of Colleen.
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