a jaunty tilt

I think a little back story is necessary... Yesterday evening, I was enjoy a nice cold beverage as I did some work. I then proceeded to spill half of said beverage, which contained sugar (it was crystal light), on my laptop keyboard.

Freaking out, I quickly mopped it all up, laughing happily in the wonder and good fortune that my keyboard should function at all. It had started to dry when I realized there was a greater problem.

My keys are sticking. Not just a little oops, here or there. We're talking like intense, it's hard to push them down, sticking.

So I get some water, a paper towel, a cotton ball and a Q-tip. All manner of sizes of wiping materials, I wasn't sure what I was going to need, you see. And I start cleaning the top of the computer, thinking that the problem is that the sides are sticking to the base board. But I don't think I can really get at the source, because my keys aren't the kind that come off. At least not that I've figured out. This generally solves some of the problem, but they're definitely still sticky. Ugh.

Fast forward to today, 5 p.m. after consulting with my computer savvy friend, I've been told that the keys can come off, but to remove them at my own risk, as some times they can be very tricky to get back on. All I heard is that they come off. They come off!!

Anyone who knows me knows that if there's the possibility of making something cleaner than it is at the moment, I will take it. I like things clean, I like things not-sticky. And so darn it, if I can make this keyboard not sticky, you better believe I'm going to try.

A quick Google search explains ways of cleaning keyboards without removing keys... yeah yeah yeah. Nope. I scroll down to the good part, "How to clean keyboard after removing keys." Jackpot.

I turn off the computer, unplug it and take out the battery. I'm really not looking to be electrocuted, especially with my roommate in L.A. and no one around to hear me scream... After I flip it back over, I start scanning for keys that are basically unused, something that if I can't for some reason reattach, it's not the end of the world. It's like using whatever new cleaning product on a spot behind the door. It's the guinea pig. The test subject, as it were.

Behold, the "Application Key." I didn't even know that's what it was called, I had to look it up. Anyway, I had read that the best way to get the little buggers off was to use a small screwdriver. Enter, my finger.

So I start working at it and realize that there are these two little plastic thingies that toggle together, almost like a seesaw, it's called the key retainer. (that website was useless, btw.) And it hooks in to the baseboard and the key top. Anyway, the key top just snaps off.

Awesome. This is easy. I can do this.

[Note to reader, next time I say that, slap me.]

I pull off the application key and lo and behold. Gross. There is so much crap on my keyboard! I'm appalled and decide it's time to really clean this sucker. I'm going to go row by row, pull off my keys and make it sparkle.

I pop the application key back on, and start with Q, W, E, R, T and Y. All come off and go back on with ease. And so I start with A, S, D, F, G and H. I get the first five off and on with no problem, and then there's H. It figures it should be H, because I then entered keyboard hell.

The key retainer came off with the H. Yeah, that's right. It came right off. Um. Oh. My. Gosh.

Insert panicked expletive here.

And so I pull off Y, to make space, and start trying to slide the retainer back into it's four metal prong-like holders.

It will not go.

I try, and I try and I try. I can get the bottom, or the two prongs closest to me to go in, but the top prong has some how expanded since leaving its home. It's a lot like that scene from Friends when Ross wears the leather pants and he goes to the bathroom, takes them off, and his legs swell and he can't get them back on.... but yeah, this is plastic. This should work. But no.

So, I take the little retainer apart. Bad idea. Ten minutes later and I finally get it back together. And I try to shove it in again. And again and again.

You get to a point, where you begin to understand that trying is just not going to work anymore.

At this point I'm frantic. I have broken my keyboard. It will not be clean. It will not be sparkly. It will not be not-sticky. If I can't use my H key. It does not matter.

And so. Resigned to the fact that I'm just going to have to make due, I shove the bottom prongs into their holders and hold my breath as I snap the H back into place. It goes. Breath out. I turn the computer on, and the H works. It now sits at a jaunty tilt and my finger catches on it occasionally on the way back up. But, it works, and that's really all that matters right now.

And so, children, the moral of story is this: If your keyboard works, and it's just a little sticky, it's OK. Leave it alone. Or you'll end up with a tilted H key like me and a computer keyboard that is still sticky.