pulling back

I've been having trouble reflecting lately. My life, since my last post, has performed some serious acrobatics. And I find myself struggling to keep up. I'm terribly afraid that the continuous movement and forward momentum, the constant push ahead, is going to catch up with me soon, and it's really not going to be very pretty.

They say burning the candle at both ends is bad for you - but it's nothing a little vitamin C can't fix. Elon students, I've found, have an obsession with this tasty citrus nutrient. They believe, and I've realized that I do too, that orange juice cures all ails.

But as I sit here with my Minute Maid, I'm struck by the fact that orange juice, no matter how potent, will not cure a restless mind.

Two of my best friends at Elon were fitted for their caps and gowns today. They're graduating at the end of this semester and going on to start their lives. One is thinking of moving to Singapore or South Korea to teach English, and the other is considering moving to London to work for a study abroad coordinator as an RA. My entire life at Elon has involved these two in some way. The last year has not seen a day without them. Seriously. So what do I do next year? Make new friends, obviously. I know this sounds really very petty and third grade, but the prospect of a year without my surrogate family is terribly daunting.

In the last few weeks, I've learned more about myself and my friends than in the lifetime before that. I have found a strength in their unconditional love that I thought only existed in bloodlines. I was so wonderfully wrong.

I've always been a firm believer that true friends never leave you, that all relationships have something of value to offer and that no one ever enters or exits your life for no reason. And in today's technologically advanced, effortlessly connected society, it's next to impossible to lose touch. But nothing beats a late-night movie, a drive to Greensboro or Sunday night dinners.

I've never been very good with change, and I think part of the reason is I never anticipate it very well. I never expect it until it's bumping noses with me, pulling my hair and pinching me, begging me to take notice.

I find myself today wishing I could pull back a bit on the reigns. But putting a stop on life isn't living, and legs were meant to act as more than just pillars.

So I must move along with the changes, embrace the futures of my friends and myself, and know that in this Lion King-coined circle of life, there is no such thing as an end.